My husband expresses love by cooking for people. Every dish is seasoned with love. He is an excellent chef. When our daughter was young, they would cook together and although she learned well, she still loves her father’s food best. Now that she has two sons, my husband has started cooking with them. They, too, not only love his food, but they love to cook with grandpa. What a delight it is to witness my husband spreading the joy of cooking! I wonder if he will ever know how much his food feeds our bodies, souls, and deep love for him.
Through the decades, I have learned to recognize my husband’s love language is not the same as mine. He does acts of love to demonstrate it. The way I show love, is with sharing and listening with an open heart. I often listen to my husband’s stories about his work while he cooks.
When we are done eating, my husband sits and reads while I clean up the kitchen.
Usually, we take turns processing our days when we take our evening walk. We typically walk after dinner when the sun is still out and before dinner when it’s dark early. We walk to refresh our bodies and to connect while sharing what’s happening in our separate worlds. Then we are ready to enjoy dinner, each other, and a relaxing evening.
The more I share about my inner experience, the more he shares about his. The more I appreciate his deeds of service, the more willing he is to do them. There’s a reciprocity in relationships that encourages me to give what I want to get without expectations. One of the benefits of aging I have found, is to not hold back. We are mortal beings.
How did I figure out about personal love languages? I read, talked with people, and learned some of the ways to express love are: gifts, words, touch, and deeds. But that’s only half of it; how did I also know that by giving I receive? Experience taught me although I have heard it said many times, truth came to me only through practice. I know it is true because I have experienced it to be so.
I must admit that at first, I experimented with giving love in the way I wanted to receive it. And I was upset when I did not get what I wanted. Eventually, I realized I was expecting my husband’s love language to be the same as mine so I let that go and started appreciating his way of expressing love. That’s what led to receiving more of the expression of love that I was seeking.
In a nutshell, when I appreciated him for his cooking, he started listening in the way that feels like love to me. To be truly heard by another is the most precious gift of love I know. And when I thanked him for his cooking with a big hug, he received the love he was seeking, too.
That’s why I am sharing the many benefits of aging. We learn how to live by consciously processing information coming to us from the outside and also from within. Wisdom is gained only through experience and it takes time to gain experience.
Since winter is the season of going inward, during this time of the year I am reflecting on Life and in particular, the fruits of aging. I am writing a series called Lessons in Living – Gifts of Aging. This post is about giving and receiving love which I think is the essence of the holiday season.
When we are learning from life, it grows richer and more meaningful. Of course, there will be challenges and I cannot pretend to not know what I know. But I can apply what I have learned to to meet what comes. And I can share it to show the way to others.
I get it. Life is about learning, learning to live. And to love which is by far the sweetest thing Life has to offer.
It improves everything from walks in the park to the taste of food on the table.