The end of August brings my birthday and the swan song of summer. It is a wistful time; cool mornings trigger thoughts of the pending transition to fall. Seasons pass and so do the years. It’s inevitable, undeniable, and it gives me pause.
I think back on the last year of my life and the fading summer. Years ago, I was gifted with a disc full of songs, most of which I had never heard before, one of which I will never forget. It’s called, “When I grow up, I want to be an old woman.” I made that my goal and every year, through little effort of my own except staying alive, I move toward old womanhood. It intrigues me. It makes me laugh. In a youth-oriented society, it is counter-cultural, in spite of being a blessing. It rings all the right notes for a goal that I can embrace. Every year, I get closer to it and I celebrate.
Due to my birthday, my love of warm weather and outdoor activity, I am a big fan of summer! At the beginning of the season, like every other season, I set goals for myself. This summer, they were mostly relational goals, how I want to get along and connect with others. Living in a seasonal cottage with frequent visitors allows me to see myself as I am. Through guests and with them, I become aware of my reactions and underlying thoughts. With information of what is, I formulate a vision of what I want to create, of how I want to be.
I like decorating; puttering around makes me feel at home. A part of it, for me, is creating sacred spaces or altars. At the beginning of the summer, I wrote down four interpersonal goals and put them on my summer altar. Summer is the season for outdoor gatherings in a climate that sends us largely indoors in winter; it’s an ideal time to work on social goals. There are plenty of opportunities for practice.
For inspiration, I decided to take a few online courses. The first one involved lessons and practice in connecting with my higher self through prayer and meditation. The second one involved learning about and practicing communication skills. They were ideal summer material in terms of the subject and format which matched both my interests and availability. To engage, I did not have to leave the cottage and its view of the lake. The courses provided a focus for my summer.
This morning’s fog and chill are wearing off. I am feeling less wistful, for now. Guests are coming to help me celebrate my birthday. Later this evening or tomorrow, I am going to revisit my summer altar and see if I made progress in achieving my goals. Then I’ll remember the highlights of the season and celebrate the successes.
When my birthday comes, I will look back over the year and take stock of what has happened. I will set goals for the coming year and remember the overarching goal that will carry over from year to year: I want to be an old woman. Allow me to qualify that, an old woman that is kind, connected, and grateful to be alive.
Then in the morning when a chill is in the air and I make a list of the joys of the passing season and year, I won’t cling to summer or to my past. I will let it go. When I do, I will savor the cooler misty air and watch my tan fade, the leaves brighten and the days grow shorter.