Humans are storytellers; we create narratives to make sense of our lives. The story provides an outline of what happened which can serve as a predictor of what will happen in the future. We choose our stories and they open up or limit the possibilities in our lives.
But our stories are not etched in stone. We can revise them, to bring them into alignment with what we really want. Every storyteller or writer knows, editing improves stories.
Believe it or not, when we change the story that we are telling about something from the past, we can heal, free, and empower ourselves to create a future that is new. What kind of stories are you telling?
If it is a story that limits you, then it’s time to revise it, to write a healing story. That’s when a heroine faces a problem or a challenge and takes responsibility for finding a solution. If the problem is presented as someone harmed me and I won’t be ok until they apologize, it’s not a healing story; it’s a victim story. A healing story involves owning the power within, so there is no complaining or blaming involved.
Here’s an example. I was a shy child who liked to hide out in my room to read, write, or just mull over life.
As a young adult searching for my path, I had the opportunity to perform on stage with a band. It was not something expected of a shy girl. When someone who knew me as a child witnessed my creative expression, she teased me about it.
I suspected it was her role to coax me back into the familiar version of myself in order to keep me safe. But I did not retreat. I did, however, feel uncomfortable and hurt about being teased. I questioned whether I had the right to express myself creatively.
The story I told about this incident was that I was not seen, heard, or allowed me to be myself. In this way, I made the story about someone else’s opinion which I did not even know for certain, when the truth is that the freedom of self-expression lies within me. To place it outside of myself is disempowering and basically, untrue.
Time for editing. I decided to reclaim that story, so it is no longer about someone else, but about me. Why did her teasing bother me so much? What was going on inside of me that made me uncomfortable with another’s reaction?
Now, that’s an interesting story to tell. I was uncomfortable performing because I had both stage fright and the impulse to express myself. Apparently, the drive to express myself was greater than the fear of being seen, but still there was inner conflict. The teasing landed admidst inner taunts and questioning. Do I have a right to express myself? Will I get teased when I do? Who do I think I am?
I was embarrassed to be seen as not good at something, to be open and vulnerable. Yet, that is actually a gift, to not overthink or judge myself so harshly that I miss opportunities to express myself. How else can we learn and grow?
So, it is a story about exploration and discovery, not about feeling cut off at the knees by someone else’s opinion. I was not necessarily in my element, but I was being me. In my mother’s words, I was a bold shy girl. It took overcoming my fear to come out of hiding and step out there, but I did it! A way to look at the teasing is that it was a mirror for my inner critic.
And we all need mirrors. What I see in the mirror is not about the mirror, but about me. In the story of being teased, I did not want to see in the mirror, so I told a story about the person who held up the mirror. Without acknowledging my inner critic, the fear of expressing myself, the story lost its power to heal. In a nutshell, our stories are not about the other guy. When something triggers us, the healing story involves acknowledging the inner experience.
When it’s time to heal, we can let go of a self-limiting story and thank the mirror for showing us an aspect of ourselves. We can embrace it along with other parts of ourselves.
Yes, I was a bold shy girl who found the courage to express herself, to be seen and heard. And I have been doing it ever since, although to be honest, I still have fear. But now I can acknowledge it. Being true to myself ends the conflict at its core.
Currently, I am sharing stories of grandmothering in “Where Wisdom Meets Wonder, Forty Stories of Grandma Love.
It’s about the perspective of an aging woman, a grandma, a storyteller.
While coming out of the solitude of writing into the world of sharing my book, I am examining the stories I tell myself about visibility – being seen and heard. Telling a story of getting teased when I got out there can serve as an obstacle to success, a form of self-sabotage. But a story of how I expressed myself in spite of the teasing and the fear within, that is a story of empowerment!
And so I am rewriting a story from the past, creating a new story for the future. By telling a healing story, I free myself.
And that story can serve to free others.
Choose your story wisely.
