About fifteen years ago, I was stuck in a story about my life, a story of how things should have gone differently, how I should have known and done better. The story loop was packed with guilt which was exhausting and getting me nowhere. Seeking renewal, I decided to take a trip to Scotland with friends. It would create distance between me and my story, allow for change in perspective, and for writing a new story.
Trusting Life
I decided to pay attention to signs on the trip, signs that would help me break the pattern of thinking that held me back. Trusting Life is the ultimate teacher, I became a willing student, ready to integrate the trip, my aspirations, and writing into art – to transform my dramas into a meta story. Breaking free of the confines of guilt, the story arc would bend toward compassion, expansion, and transformation.
On the trip, I kept a journal to remember what happened. I intended to become the author my Life, tapping into the power and authority to create what I really wanted. When I got back from the trip, I wrote the first draft of a book, Unpacking Guilt, A Mother’s Journey to Freedom.
It lightened my load. I was free to do what I felt called to do, to found an early childhood center that served children, and their families. When I was done with that work, I retrieved the manuscript, edited, and published it.
Today, I am sharing a chapter, called “Celebrating the Light“. (Note: I made some changes while transcribing; a writer is never done editing.)
Celebrating the Light – Chapter from Unpacking Guilt, A Mother’s Journey to Freedom
The Orkney Islands have some of the best-preserved archeological sites in Europe: one of the islands is called the Egypt of the North.
In addition to the stone circles, there are Neolithic villages and an ancient tomb, Maes Howe. From a distance, it looks like a small hill, a grass-covered dome. There is nothing else on that barren landscape except for the Visitor Center; this great mound stands out against the vast expanse of sky and land.
It was definitely worth waiting in line to go inside. The outer image aroused our curiosity, and in spite of what we had read, we had no prior experience to prepare us for what we would encounter in this prehistoric tomb.
Once inside, we learned the purpose of the tomb is still unknown. but we do know is that through the small opening in the entranceway, the light enters. On the winter solstice, it shines directly into the tomb, striking the back wall. A remarkable feat of engineering!
How did they know how to create such a structure 5,000 years ago? These questions are unanswered but one can infer why – that the moment when the light begins its return was a cause for celebration then just as it is now. After the period of gradual descent into the cold and darkness, it must have been a source of hope and joy to realize that the sun follows a pattern; every year it returns.
Did the ancient Norsemen who populated this island until 1468 understand the significance of the winter solstice? We assume they did, since they invested so much energy in creating an observation site for the sun rays on the darkest day of the year.
While there, the Norsemen left their mark in the form of runes – like graffiti etched into the stone walls. Although much has changed since ancient times, gossip is still around. The Norsemen bragged about their strength and sexual prowess. I’ll say no more and mention no names, but the walls told stories – true or not.
Seeking the Light
Did they gather inside? We are not the only ones searching for the light. Much of human endeavor since early times has focused on finding the light that we depend on for survival. For my traveling troupe, it was a spiritual quest.
Being well acquainted with darkness, we searched for the light – not the artificial kind that drives away the darkness and allows us to stay up late at night, but the light within. Darkness, we had come to know plays an important role in focusing our attention. It is in the darkness that the light that sustains us – physically, emotionally, and spiritually – is revealed.
In this way, much like a dark womb holds the developing baby, it is in the darkness that we find our inner light. On the darkest day of the year, the light is born anew, and in some traditions, we celebrate the birth of a child.
What is the Purpose of Story-Telling?
Celebrating the return of the light is an old tradition. Nature tells the story every year. And we celebrate the possibility of letting more light into our lives. With holiday traditions, we practice bringing light into our homes, our hearts, and our communities. When we gather, we tell stories.
We can tell stories of woes, sorrows, and how things didn’t go the way we wanted them to. These “victim” stories often garner the sympathy of listeners. They reinforce a way of seeing things and wanting to be right, we can project that past onto the future.
Like the Norsemen, we can tell stories of our conquests, to gain the esteem of of listeners. What do those stories serve? They may fill an emptiness inside but they do not give us what we truly seek, which is to become sovereign selves, generating self esteem from within.
When we let go of drama and dependence on outside reinforcement of our value, we can tell a meta story of our life. In that story, each episode builds on the one before, no experience is wasted, and the possibilities are endless. It would be a story of individual self-fulfillment, told for the sake of celebrating human potential.
Then we would see things in a new way and evolve. We could tell of finding light in the darkness, the miracle of the birth of the child, and of challenges leading to personal transformation.
What is your Meta Story?
Before we tell a new story, one of acceptance and compassion, we need to let go of old stories that diminish us with guilt, blame or punishment. We need to let go of stories told for the purpose of self-inflation. There is no freedom in them.
Letting go of the familiar stories and telling a meta or epic story empowers us. A story about love awakening in the human heart inspires us. It fills us with wonder and hope. It shows us a way out of the darkness into the light.
Think about it. What stories are you telling this holiday season?
