Life involves choices, one after the other, throughout the day. Every day. What are the right choices? How do we decide?
Heaven forbid, that what we are doing would be wrong! Heaven does not forbid though, it grants us choice, gifted as we are with powers of discernment. But we may be pulled by forces that thwart discernment, residuals of an incomplete developmental stages. Here are three examples.
One way to make decisions is to gauge them against what others are doing. If it is a popular choice, we might think it is the right one. “Everyone is doing it” kind of thinking. If you have parented a teenager, you might have heard this line of thought.
Another way to measure a choice is to see if it pleases others. This is the elementary school approach – when we make the right choice – to follow directions for example, we gain in recognition and esteem. School-age children often love their teachers and work to please them.
We may also engage in impulsive decision-making – having no plan. Wake up whenever you wake up, eat whatever you like, do what makes you happy. This impulse-driven approach reminds me of a preschoolers’ approach. They are impulsive, relying completely on adults to make important decisions and to guide them while they are learning to manage their will.
Those three paths to decision-making are appropriate during earlier developmental stages when children depend on adults, but not for self-reliant adults.
They lack maturity. If everyone is doing it, pleasing others, or impulsivity don’t lead to right choices, what does?
How do we know what to buy, to eat, to wear, how to celebrate, recreate, work, and take care of ourselves,? No wonder, we end up with “decision fatigue” if we don’t have a template based on our unique individuality to lean on while deciding the “right thing” to do. Only we know our own bodies, souls, minds, and circumstances!
Having our own personal set of guidelines is key. Guidelines are not hard and fast rules, but templates infused with ideals and playfulness. My sister, Kate and I are middle children, numbers four and five in a family of eight. One year apart, while growing up we shared a bed, a bedroom, teachers, experiences, siblings, and a path to maturity. And we are unique individuals.
Together, we like to laugh at the ironies of life, our foibles, and our longing for “Guidelines for Living”, to make decision-making easier. We have playfully created “Guidelines” that are both facetious and helpful to us. One of the categories we focused on is shopping, which is all about decision-making. And for us, sharing amazing finds with the other.
It might seem frivolous but shopping choices impact self-identity, comfort, mood (color and style) and values like supporting local, small businesses, and socially responsible practices. And unless we live off the grid, we must purchase clothing, household items, food and so on.
We can make choices based on what others are doing (trends), what others may like or not (people-pleasing), or impulse (unschooled). All three areas of immature decision-making come into play when we are shopping to fill a void inside, avoiding ourselves. Shopping will never soothe our soul. Shop therapy is more like an avoidance strategy.
If I feel uncomfortable, inadequate, or less than in any way, purchasing might be at my fingertips, but to click and buy, buy, buy is never the solution! I speak from experience.
It might provide a moment of relief, but it is temporary at best. An example of one of the Sisters’ shopping guidelines is that if you have to ask someone else (a salesperson or shopper) if something looks good, you don’t like it enough to buy it. Another guideline is to decide your primary aim before entering a store so to not be distracted by what shows up while you are looking for it.
It comes down to a simple fact that decisions involve knowing ourselves – our likes, dislikes, values, our capacity as far as budget, storage, and upkeep. For example, I don’t buy clothes that are itchy, require ironing, altering, or are fussy to wear. Before I buy something new, I create closet space for it by getting rid of something I already have.
One of the guidelines I use to reduce decision-making is to “keep it simple”. At home, we reduce the volume of decisions we need to make by wearing a simple wardrobe and consistent meal planning with variety in both areas based on the seasons.
It’s the same with movement; we have a morning stretching routine, an afternoon walk and seasonal outdoor activities. Our work schedule is also consistent. We start the day at our desks and end it with couch time reading or watching a program. Simplicity in the realm of our daily lives allows us to free up decision-making powers for our work and recreating ourselves. That’s where our best thinking is required.
It’s what we bring of ourselves to the world. It’s our shining star, our contribution, our purpose. It brings meaning to our lives and satisfaction to our souls.
At the start of a new year, I revisit decisions about my work. What am I doing and why? Clarity provides momentum to get the ball rolling in the direction I aim to go.
Throughout the day, distractions come, ads on my computer, invitations to learn new ways of doing things, frequently along the lines of “upscaling” or growing my business. Then I remind myself that bigger is not better. My plan is to do enough and no more – not to be distracted by others’ ideas and to avoid immature decision-making strategies.
On my computer, I keep a statement of what I am doing on a post-it while I work. When a distraction presents that is not on the yellow sticky note or does not directly support what is on it, I don’t engage, most of the time that is.
Right now, for example, the post-it on my keyboard reminds me that I am writing a blogpost about decision-making. When distractions pop up while I write, I remember what I decided to do and return my attention to it.
Focused laser-beam attention makes the work go faster and easier.
The decisions we make, where we put out attention, and avoiding distractions is not new to the human experience.
The 19th century French writer, Gustav Flaubert, wrote: “Be regular and orderly in your life so you may be passionate and original in your work.”
How to live and work are privileges of free human beings that we may revisit and remember each day. With reminder notes and deadlines on calendars, we remember the decisions we have made or choose to make new ones.
To take the pressure off about “right” decisions, consider there are no mistakes, just decisions that did not produce results we were looking for.
When that happens (and it will), take in the new information, remember your guidelines and strategies. Then decide again.
Your life is your single most creative act and you are the artist creating it, one decision at a time.
