At a party for my birthday, a friend asked me, “And what do you do?” My husband hosted the party, he invited the guests and even shared words from my blogposts, to honor me and what I do.
In the moment, I just chuckled and didn’t respond but it got me thinking as questions always do. Well, not only thinking but emoting, too. At first outrage, followed by a good laugh. How different things look from the outside than from the inside!
My husband and I are a team of cultural creatives. We care deeply about our family, our community and contributing to both. We are mutually supportive, engaging in a kind of dance we have been doing together for over three decades.
His realm is architecture and development of neglected, old buildings in Buffalo’s amazing housing stock. My area is human development, with an emphasis on young children and soul work.
Two different but overlapping realms. My husband’s work garners a lot of public attention – it’s visible, big, masculine, and high impact. My work involves the feminine – young children, and inner work, also transformational and high impact, but less attention-getting. It is geared toward the needs of working mothers and those who tend both young children and their own souls.
Those are the people I serve, and I attest buildings are not sexier than young children and soul work. I shine a light on the needs of young families so the community can hold them; it takes a village.
My husband does amazing work, and I am proud of him. One of the buildings he developed houses the Rose Garden Early Childhood Center, the program I founded in 2009. He has won awards for the sustainability of that building which has solar panels on the roof and a bio-retention garden out front.
It has twenty apartments in it. I’ve always imagined living there one day, to hear the sounds of children playing in the yard, and to be near our daughter and her family who live down the street. I digress, but not far, what my husband does supports what I do and vice versa. We are partners.
His work gets the attention of reporters and is seen in newspapers and on the news. Politicians gather to congratulate him. Construction sites are largely male-centric. On the other hand, child-care is held by mothers and early childhood centers striving to make ends meet. It does not often make the news.
Old buildings and constructions sites are risky, but in the end, the results, the transformation is visible, spectacular even. Saving an old building is a worthy cause.
So is raising children, who start out tiny and dependent. They live in the protected realms of families and programs designed for them, away from the public eye.
Caring for small children is inward, feminine, and soulful. Is it not as sexy as what is big, outward and masculine?
(I am using the informal definition of sexy – exciting and appealing – to get your attention. Did it work?)
What is involved in birthing and raising a child is risky business with the potential for spectacular results. Even transformational for those who embrace the opportunity.
Every family with children who contribute to the common good, who have grown through the stages of dependence and independence, to interdependence has accomplished something worth celebrating.
Bigger is not better. Small is not less than. Young children hold our future. They count on us to do what’s right for them when they are small so they can do what’s right for us when we are older. It’s the cycle of life. We all play a role in it.
Buildings are dependent on us for their construction and upkeep and in return, they grant us a home. Renovating buildings and providing child-care are long games; we invest now so they will sustain us later.
My husband’s work is important and the community benefits. Work with young children and the soul development it inspires is important, too. We need housing and child-care. Do you agree?
I invite you to celebrate the little ones and the unseen service done for them. They are important and dependent on our attention and care. When you see a family with young children, smile at them. In my experience, children smile back and sometimes wave or blow kisses. What a joy!
Then celebrate those who care for them! They are unsung heroes. We count on them to show up in homes and childcare centers daily.
And they do, bringing courage and love with them – to care for little ones and do it without accolades; if lucky, they are paid a living wage, but often, not.
When we see the care of young children as appealing as renovating old buildings, when the small is as important as what’s big, then we will move toward a more just and equitable world. My husband and I share this goal.
So, what do I do? I take care of the grandchildren two to three days a week. The rest of my time, I write books and blogposts to support those who do both soul work and work with young children.
At home, I share housekeeping, cooking, grocery-shopping, social planning and so on with my husband – we do it together. We have our roles and meet in the middle – where we combine heart forces to imbue our home and community.
Along with my partner, I strive to live my best life.
And “what do you do?” it turns out, is a great writing prompt.
I invite you to take the challenge and answer the question for yourself. Write your personal or family manifesto. Declare what you do, why you do it and with whom.
During the time of year when it’s dark and we go inward, it can hold you to the light.
When or if you do, let me know! I think you will learn something about yourself. I know I did.