Is there a world beyond divisons?
I’ve been thinking about an important little word, the conjunction “and”. What would we do without this little bridge-builder that brings together pairs like life and death, inside and outside, contraction and expansion? When we put these words together, each becomes more, they belong together, undivided.
That was the opening paragraph of a blog I posted in spring 2020, when we were in lockdown. and idealism was poking its head out, like spring flowers. The concept of me and you has come back to me recently. Perhaps it is cyclical, popping up around the equinoxes, when night and day are equal and thoughts of balance come to the forefront.
There is no balance without this and that. Here’s an example where a common equation is altered when we consider both sides . I suggest that instead of the means justifying the end, the means or how we get to a goal is as important as the end. The means are in the end! What matters is both!
We cannot do harm in the process without creating harm in the end result. Consider our human biology. Nature provides balance with two types of nervous systems. One is the sympathetic and it kicks in when we are threatened or under stress. It prepares our body for fight, flight, or freeze with a jolt of adrenaline.
It is available to us when we need it for short periods of time, times of crisis. When all is well, the threat is gone, the parasympathetic nervous system steps in to support recovery, resting, and digesting.
In our current pace of living and uncertainty about many things, we might be out of balance, leaning on our sympathetic nervous system a lot. That takes a toll on our adrenals, affecting our entire system, and keeping us in high alert. In other words, too much stress in the process impacts the result.
Are you feeling it? I know I am, so I am shifting gears to a restorative mode, a mode of deep self-care. That means for one thing, I am relying heavily on rhythms, rather than re-inventing my days. Rhythms are a respite from decision making and when I have a lot on my mind, I welcome any respite I can get.
Check out last week’s post to read more about rhythms. Click below to find the latest and prior blogposts.
With rhythms, my work is organized in a way that I know when I start and when I finish. I am taking longer walks in nature, even in the rain, and enjoying more quiet time. But there is more to self care than our actions.
I am also paying attention to my thoughts. Are they kind to my self and others? If they are not kind to me, they are not going to be kind to others.
Are they helpful? Helpful thoughts are ones that allow me to make things better. Persistent thoughts of the past cannot help me in the present. I let them go. Worries about the future do not help either. I focus on the present and what I can do to help matters at hand.
When people we love are having a hard time, especially our closest family members, it can be hard for me not to step in and help. But if I have not been asked, then I am giving a message that I don’t think the other person can do it. That’s not helpful.
Instead, I listen and wait. If a request comes, I check my calendar and my intuition. Will it be helpful for me to say yes? Helpful to the other and also helpful to me?
If it is both, I say yes. My body, soul and mind are well-served by considering myself and others.
That’s the core of self-care, taking care of me so I can take care of others. And I have found, there is no other way. Being run down and depleted does not serve anyone. Thanks to “and”, I can find balance.
Even with others who do not share my opinions, we can agree to disagree and still love each other. Consider when it comes to human beings and ideas, is it possible to broaden our perspective in order to embrace more than our own opinions?
If we remember “and”, we will find we experience less threats and feel more love. For when there is love, what can harm us? We are safe.
It reminds me of this invitation in a Rumi poem: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there”.
That’s where I care for myself and I care for you. I love myself and I love you.
In that place, we can solve our problems together and in the process, hold onto what matters most.
See you there!