A wise old friend of mine used to say that believing is seeing. At first I scratched my head at the phrase, but with time and experience, I have come to not only understand but to know the truth of his words.
He was talking about vision, believing in your vision so you can see or manifest what you really want.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get caught up in worrying or imagining that the same unpleasant thing that has happened in the past will happen again. Instead of envisioning what I want, I dread that I will get what I have gotten in the past which is not what I want.
It is as if I would set myself up for disappointment by “going for it”, but if I allow the past to decide the future, I have not taken the emotional risk of daring to want what I really want. I remain in a familiar place, not venturing out to see what is possible beyond what I have known.
Lately, I have been doing experiments with believing in my vision, generating feelings of appreciation for the possibility of success instead of envisioning what I do not want, then enlivening it with a big dose of fear.
Like most things, the default mode of self-thwarted wanting began in childhood. According to Dr. Gabor Mate, an expert on development and trauma, “Anything that is ‘wrong’ with you began as a survival mechanism in childhood”.
Child-rearing ways when I was young involved strict conformity. It is how it is, get over it, don’t cry were messages we received. Personal wants and feelings were seldom acknowledged. To be clear, I do not think that all my wants and desires should be fulfilled, but I do think it is okay to know and want them.
A good student, I conformed to fit in rather than nurture and (heaven forbid) share my personal wants. Like many children, I disconnected from my wants, and it has taken me a long time to reconsider that it is ok to know and want what I want.
It is scary to reconnect, but I have decided that the greater risk is denying my wants. So, I am rediscovering them while formulating a vision for my business.
Vision is different from a plan. Vision is a picture of what is possible, based on knowing I can have what I want if I am willing to learn and grow. Desires have come to lead me on a path to fulfilling my destiny.
About three years ago, my husband and I envisioned moving out of our old Victorian house into a smaller modern space, one that is better suited to our empty-nester lifestyle. We appreciate modern architecture but live in a city that is full of old homes, a fact that left us undaunted.
Every time we would visit my husband’s family in Germany, I relished the modern designs of their homes. I wanted a lot of light, light wood, and an open feeling. I wanted a home that inspired me to live my best life and to tend it with love. I wanted what I wanted.
We had planned to move in the spring, but for some reason, I had the desire to begin our home search at the end of the summer, a half year before our planned move. That is when we found it, one of very few modern homes in the area we lived in and wanted to continue to living in.
After entering the home, we knew it was the one for us. The only problem was we were leaving to visit family in Germany the next day. As it happened, we placed our bid and signed contracts to purchase our new home while in my sister-in-law’s vacation home in the Alps where they had recently upgraded the internet.
Certainly, it was not what we had planned, but it was what we envisioned!
How did I dare to envision this home when I did not know that such a home existed? That’s how it is, envisioning is a form of believing something is possible. that allows for seeing, seeing what we envision.
We love our home, and it has served us well, especially while spending so much time there during the pandemic. But I remember a day when I walked down the stairs and saw only flaws. There are of course, flaws in any home that is lived in.
I mentioned it to my adult daughter who loves our home as well. In her wise way, she gently chided me that perhaps I had stopped seeing my home.
Had I forgotten what I had? I looked around again with fresh eyes and saw the windows letting in the light, the walls holding artwork, the interesting angles and design elements creating a feeling of expansiveness in a small home on a small lot. I remembered the feeling of awe I had when I first saw it!
Seeing is an ongoing creative process. It requires faith, faith in our vision, ourselves, and in in forces greater than ourselves. I believed our home existed, so we looked for it. When we saw it, we fell in love with it. I started seeing and envisioning the life we wanted to live in our new home on the trans-Atlantic flight.
In that space, I was free to imagine whatever I wanted, as long as I let go of self-limiting beliefs. Every day I have the same opportunity, if I take the time.
My life is full of stories of believing something is possible and seeing it come true. Those stories inspire me to practice the steps of expanding my life beyond my wildest dreams! The more I practice, the bolder and better I get.
Getting into a flow of creative envisioning looks like this:
1. Sense what you want and allow it, noticing any contrary internal dialogue.
2. Envision it in detail. Write it down.
3. Draw a line down the center of a piece of paper. On one side, write the things you can do to create the vision and on the other side, the things that will you cannot do.
4. Revisit the vision daily.
5. Follow the plan and revise as needed.
6. Let go of results. See and acknowledge what happens.
For example, I am creating a vision for a new website, a new book, and new online courses. The obstacles I face are both internal ones that block my vision, as well as logistical ones that make the work slow and difficult.
But I believe that it’s possible to succeed! I have a plan for when and where I will work, a support team, and how success will look. There is no doubt in my mind, there are things that will happen along the way that I cannot imagine now. There will be missteps, errors, embarrassments.
If I don’t allow those challenges and struggles to discourage me, and I continue to envision the end result, I have faith that I will get there.
I just need to remember believing is seeing, not the other way around.