During holiday season 2020, I have been on the look-out for things that spark joy in everyday life and have recorded those snapshots in a Joy Journal on Instagram. When I wake up in the morning, I look forward to the joys I will experience. In the evening, I savor them along with a cup of tea.
With this practice, my heart has grown bigger and stronger. When hardships or sorrows come knocking on my door, it is joy that gives me the courage to meet them.
Just as there is both darkness and light, there is joy and sorrow in the world and in me. Wondering about the relationship between these two soul moods, led me to the words of Kahill Gibran:
“Joy is sorrow unmasked. The deeper sorrow carves into one’s being, the more joy one can contain. The cup that holds one’s wine is burned in the potter’s oven, and the lute that soothes the spirit is made of wood hollowed by knives.”
Joy and sorrow are complementary, interwoven into the fabric of every soul. Why embrace one and mask the other? Both joy and sorrow have given me knowledge of myself and my view of the world.
This year, reminiscent of another character you may know, I was visited by a ghost of Christmas past. It began with a body memory, a dull ache in my right elbow, that was fractured when I was ten-years-old. Lying awake at night, the old wound led me through a portal to the child I was then.
It was then that a veil dropped and the world was revealed as not only good, but also deeply flawed. My recollection of the experience was disillusionment, perhaps even a glimpse of a dark night of the soul.
Before that age, belief in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy and never-never-land gave me a picture of a world that was good. It was a source of hope, even when experiences could be painful.
Letting go of childhood beliefs without knowing what to replace them with, was a sorrow that I did not know how to bear back then. I did not know that the power that created the magic for me as a child lived inside of me!
At that age and stage of development, the innate playfulness and spontaneous joy of the young child was diminishing. Lacking a mature capacity to recognize and accept the duality of human experience, I felt lonely and frightened.
Yet it was finding out the world was not how I once thought, that drove me to seek understanding. That deeply etched sorrow led me on a path that I have been following ever since, a path to find ways to tend my soul, to take responsibility for my own inner life and what I create in the world.
This year, I am not surprised that the disillusioned child came to visit. It was a year when dark aspects of our collective humanity were revealed. An old reality started slipping away and a new one presenting. In light of that, I have been called to understand, to learn, to grow and to share.
Since I know now that sorrow deepens my soul’s capacity to hold more joy, I am not afraid to experience it. Decades of soul work have strengthened me; a circle of support surrounds me.
Today, I accept life as not only joyful; there are now and always will be sorrows. With acceptance, comes a sense of equanimity. There is no need to judge one as good and the other bad. They are both present – each making room for the other.
In the evenings, I find comfort sitting on the couch and sipping spicy tea while recollecting my experiences of the day, the year about to end and years gone by.
Being warm, cozy and connected to myself has been a gift this year, one that I recognize as a privilege. In the darkness of 2020, I have discovered my heart’s capacity to hold more joys and sorrows than I ever could.
Grieving the losses of my disillusioned ten-year-old self, I have comforted my self in the past and in the present. The world is not how I once thought it was, it is changing and so am I. Who knows what the new year will bring – but with a heart that is full of faith, joy and love – I know I can meet it!
May you find comfort and joy this holiday season!
In case you would like to sample it, this is my chai recipe: Fill a pot with water. Add five ingredients: cinnamon sticks, whole cloves, cardamom pods, fresh ginger and peppercorns. Adjust amounts per personal taste. Simmer on low for hours until it is a dark brew. Add honey, milk, and if you want, a black tea bag. Enjoy!