The dramatic irony dawned on me; I was engaged in parallel processes, unpacking and packing. The same month that I released Unpacking Guilt: A Mother’s Journey to Freedom, I began packing up my home. Unpacking guilt created soul space, it freed up energy for unpacking stuff and then packing only what I now need and want. We let go of about half of what we own so we can fit in a house about one third smaller than our current home. We will have no basement and no attic, no out of sight – out of mind storage.
Sorting, letting go and packing only what we need and want is a practice. I’m strengthening that muscle; the motivation is our new home, one we found the day before going to visit my husband’s family in Germany and through modern technology, contracted to buy while we were there. It is fitting that purchasing our new home was woven into a trip to Germany. When we had young children, we visited our family in Germany annually. After trips, I would long for a modern home, one with a European kitchen, one that my house built in 1892 lacked.
Many buildings in Germany are modern, built after WW II; they stand side by side with older traditional buildings. Most of the houses in my Buffalo neighborhood were built in the late 1800’s or early 1900’s when our city was rapidly growing, before modern architecture entered in. The house we have been living in is Victorian, our new modern house is a fluke, one we dreamed of but never imagined finding in our neighborhood. Actually, I never thought to look for one. When burdened by regrets, I was stuck; to pack up and move required first unpacking guilt.
When I removed the clutter in my soul, I kept going and then removed the clutter in my home. Any emotion that no longer served me, that was connected to a self-disparaging story of what I should have done or not done, I let go of. Any object in my home that was no longer congruent with who I am, I let go of it, too. Along the way, I unpacked guilt and dissatisfaction then packed compassion and gratitude in my satchel of daily practices. I got rid of the drab green coat that didn’t fit and got a mustard yellow one that did.
With new practices in place and a lot less stuff, change came slowly. By releasing what no longer serves me, in time, I gained the freedom to go toward a future that looks unlike the past, to live in the home of my dream.