May is the month to honor our mothers. Mothers are made in different ways; I have both a biological and an adopted child. And there are many ways to mother children, often based on what we have experienced ourselves. Yet we can heal our childhood wounds and attachments to free ourselves to choose how we mother.
Did you know that in addition to your physical mother, you have an inner mother? It’s the voice within that speaks to us all day long, usually echoing the voices of adults from our childhood. It has power to influence how we feel about ourselves but often, we are unconscious of it.
Recently, I have been giving attention to the inner mother recognizing how she talks to me. Her voice is the basis for beliefs about myself and life, ones that I have been questioning and reframing.
I am committed to getting to know my inner mother and the impact on my inner world because I cannot choose my outer world. Things happen. Although I have often wished it were not so, other people and things in the outer world are not mine to change. And everything is changing all the time. But it’s reassuring to note that I can change myself.
My greatest power comes from accepting what is and becoming adept at feeling the wide range of feelings that accompany the human experience. And then cultivating what I want from the inside out.
When I was a child, I was an idealist who wanted everything to be just so, peace on earth, in my home, and especially inside of me. But that is not the human experience, so now I accept life’s ups and downs. To remember that, I repeat the refrain from a Dusty Springfield song from the 60’s – “Mama said there’d be days like this.”
My mama did not feel guilty about what her children experienced in their lives. She knew she was doing what she was able to do and everything else, she gave to her higher power, the God she prayed to every morning and evening. Her faith gave her peace and from her, I have learned to cultivate abiding faith.
For my birthday last year, I received a book called, “The Way of The Rose, The Radical Path of the Divine Feminine hidden in the Rosary” . My mom’s name is Rosemary and she prayed the rosary sitting in bed, at times with her children (8 in all) kneeling on the floor around her. Of course, this book made me think of my mother.
Looking back, I think she prayed the rosary this way when times were tough and with this, she communicated to us that there would be hard days. Days where the most important thing you could do would be to pray the rosary with your children.
The “Way of the Rose” highlights the rosary as a feminine experience – one that impacts our inner world. The rosary is about events in the life of Mother Mary. She is a feminine model for nurturing the inner world. I look inside when I seek comfort.
When life demands a spiritual reset, I hum to myself “Let it be”. Imagining Mother Mary coming to me to whisper words of wisdom, gives me solace. It is one thing to picture the divine outside of me but it is another story to see her dwelling within me.
So I have started to pray the rosary, having found a set of beads that belonged to my mother. “Hail Mary, full of grace” is enough to remind me again, that the divine feminine resides within me.
Knowing that by tending my soul, I can meet what comes, is a lesson I learned from my mother. While I am reminiscing about the 1960’s, spirituality, and mom, I recall the small black transistor radio on our kitchen counter. We listened to a steady stream of pop music in the evenings, when we were coming and going from the kitchen table where we did our homework.
Another song that comes to mind is “I never promised you a rose garden. Along with the sunshine, there’s got to be a little rain sometime.” It reminds me to accept what is. We will experience hard times and get through them when we connect with the power within us.
Yes, the soundtrack of the 60’s and 70’s continues to inspire me. And the voice of discipline from the 60’s, when adults used the phrase “shame on you” to reprimand children, still lives in me as well.
These times of upheaval and change remind me of the 60’s when I observed civil unrest with the eyes of a child. This time around, I am fortunate to have the power within to weed out shame, plant goodness and beauty in the garden of my soul, and spread truth like seeds blown by the wind. It is the mission and purpose of my life; to experience and to share.
Yes, challenging times require a kind and loving inner voice to grant us inner strength. I know when I go within, surrender to what is, and nurture the power of love, I am doing what I can. Whether I pray with song, beads, or breath, it does not matter, only that I let go and trust.
This is how I heal and become a force for love. And what the world needs now is love, sweet love, that’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.
Thanks for the love, Mom! Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms who are reading this! Just remember – love is all you need!
