I have been thinking about the difference between the victim and the hero lately. In my life, I have met many, many people who do amazing things. They create art, businesses, families, and community connections.
Some of them experience success and feel good about what they do and others, just struggle. How do I know this? I spent many years in the mindset of struggle. It felt like I was sitting on top of a pile of gold, but my hands were tied and I could not reach it.
Let’s face it. Doing hard work and not getting the results we are seeking, is frustrating. Hrumph. No fair. Why is it this not working? It does not feel good when there is a big gap between the results we want and the ones we are getting. It feels uncomfortable, uncertain, vulnerable.
While feeling this discomfort in the past, I have told myself a victim story. It did not change my circumstances or me. What changed both was discovering that I had a choice. I could choose the hero’s mindset. It is the invisible quality that makes all the difference. And it’s a practice, one that I have to remember every day.
In time, I learned to break old habits of thinking and create new ones. I started telling myself a new story. Yet at times, I still have to shore up on my practice and remember that my thoughts create my story and my story creates my life.
Consider the habitual thoughts of the victim versus the hero.
These are some of the habitual thought patterns of the victim:
- Complaining about things. Why don’t things go my way? How come it’s raining? When will my partner do what I want him to?
- Blaming others. He or she is the problem. If only they would be do this or that or be like this or that, I would be fine.
- Shaming ourselves. I can never do these kinds of things. I am too old, too shy, too afraid.
- Comparing with others. If we could only be like them, then everything would be ok. Why do they have all those things and I don’t? Their life is easier.
Do any of these seem familiar? Most of our thoughts are repetitive and invisible. Stop and notice what thoughts are passing through your mind.
If they are victim thoughts, then consider introducing hero thoughts to initiate a new pattern and story to tell yourself.
- Focus on the positive. I am glad it’s cloudy on this hot day and grateful the air conditioning repairman is coming tomorrow.
- I am responsible for my life. Whatever anyone else does or says, I choose how I think, feel, and do about it.
- I trust that whatever I need to learn, I will learn in the right time. There is no reason to regret the present or past or to shame myself for doing what was and is my best at any given time.
- I accept my destiny path. I have everything I need to live the life I am meant to live. I cheer others on and wish them the best!
What happens when I change my thinking? The results of my actions improve. When I combine right thinking with right actions, my success rate increases. I started not only doing the footwork, but I also start receiving results.
Our actions set the stage for success and our thoughts open the door to receiving it. We are more than physical beings who do things. We are cognitive, spiritual beings who create stories which align with an energy force surrounding us.
When our thoughts are not in alignment with what we seek, we may not recognize opportunities that come along. But when they are, we can enter a state of flow and move in the direction of our dreams.
Many of the things in my life have not worked out as I planned them, but when I stayed open to finding a way forward, soltutions came to me.
This attitude increases trust and reduces fear. It enriches my life. For example, when a medical incident brought us to an emergency room in France, I could have felt victimized that my vacation was interrupted and basically, woe is me. But what would have been the impact of that?
Instead, I chose to connect with the patient, the medical staff, and the best possible outcome.
By doing so, I felt like a hero surrounded by heroes all supporting one aim – managing the care of a dear one. The worst scenario never happened and the best scenario sent a message that it is time to both accept what is happening and to open up to receive – well-being, relaxation, love, and freedom – come what may.
And of course, to act accordingly.
