May is the month to celebrate Mother Earth in festivals with May poles, ribbons, and dancing. In our families, we gather to celebrate our mothers.
My Mother was not perfect, but she was good enough. These are some of the ways I have come to understand that to be true.
Looking back, I would say that I was a puzzle not easy to figure out. I hid but wanted to be seen, was silent but wanted to be heard, was focused inwardly but wanted to connect.
Since I was the fourth of eight children, my mother had her hands full. Figuring me out was only one of many competing priorities. Still, I know she gave it her best shot.
She called me the shyest bold girl she ever knew. When she saw how I loved to be with children, she connected me with programs that needed a young helper. I volunteered in schools, especially special education programs and worked at a summer camp.
When it was time to go out into the world, I began studying special education but did not connect with methods of behavior modification popular at the time. They did not take into account a model of the human being that inspired me, so I let go of that pursuit.
I had an interest in both human growth and development and a wholistic model of the human being. The first one, my parents and teachers knew about and the second, I was on my own to discover.
I moved to NYC and found my way to working in the editorial department of magazines and in public relations. That’s where I honed my writing skills and discovered how much I loved to write.
When I had a child, I left NYC and decided to let go of the fast-paced world of public relations and to get my degree in elementary education. Since then, I have worked either teaching or writing. Later, I got my Masters in Human development and focused on feminine or experiential knowledge practices. I discovered Rudolf Steiner’s model of educating the whole human being and have been inspired by it ever since.
As an adult, I learned to accept what did and did not happen in my childhood. Even though I was not steered to study and make a career in writing or to engage in self-development, the creative forces in the universe found me and led me to both.
There is the dream of what my life could have been if only something different would have happened. Then there is the reality of what happened. Steeped in that reality is the possibility that my life has been just as it needed to be for me to learn all that I was meant to learn.
Nobody has a perfect childhood or a path without bumps in the road. But if the kernel or the possibility of our life is allowed to grow, it will.
That’s where I can look to my mother for a model of a human being, who had what it takes to live a successful life. Let’s consider the four bodies of the human: physical, energetic, soul and spirit.
Beginning with the physical, my mother had eight healthy babies and she nursed us all. Her physical body was strong, even in her nineties, when her brain function diminished, she still had a healthy body.
Her energy seemed to carry her from morning until after the eleven o’clock news at night. Sometimes, she took a rest in the afternoon, but mostly, she kept going. Now, that’s how it looked from a child’s eyes, but I know that even when she was living alone after my father died, she never turned down an invitation to do something. That’s how strong her life force was. Her will to stay active remained alive and well lifelong.
As far as her soul, my mother had a lot of heart. I used to say that she had about one hundred best friends. She loved her family and her friends and enjoyed being amongst people. Whether we were shopping or walking in the neighborhood, she would visit with anyone she saw.
Yes, and her spirit, there was her spirit. She was fun-loving and fiesty and also committed to spiritual practices like going to mass daily and saying the rosary. I observed how those practices served her. They inspired, calmed, and guided her.
Considering my mother in this way, I realize that she modeled a whole human being. And, I thank her for it. I, too have strong physical, energy, soul, and spiritual bodies. My ways of seeing and tending them are different from my mother’s, and that is something I am also grateful for – both her example and my individuality.
My mother gave me a physical body when I was born and allowed the rest of me to develop as an individual. I learned that I am worthy and capable of living an amazing life! Even though my mother did not know the path I would follow, she did not discourage me from finding and following it myself.
Thanks Mom for all you gave me and all you allowed me to discover on my own!
