Life has had interesting ups and downs over the past year. When we left behind the familiar and entered the territory of the unknown, new opportunities presented themselves. What have we learned about ourselves and the world in the process?
At the onset, I knew one thing for sure. When change comes, if I hold onto what is and resist what is happening, I am unable to meet life with equanimity and seize the possibility of learning. This is the difference between success and failure.
When lessons present, and they will, it’s about being a successful learner. This year has been an opportunity, if we know how to learn from life. I have devised a plan for success that works for me and may work for you, too.
Many transitional moments have come in my life and what interests me is how I can make the best of them. Certainly, my success has varied and I have gotten stuck in the mire before. Yet, I have always sought a method of meeting life that allows it to teach me. The more I learn, the more capable and confident I become.
If a challenging experience gives me an opportunity to learn and grow, it serves a worthy purpose. If it not only allows for change and growth in me, but provides a template for approaching challenges, then it can also serve others.
The purpose of self-development is to make our own world better so we can better serve the world.
My method of meeting challenges is a synthesis of what I have learned along the way. I did not make it up on my own; I owe a lot to many teachers. None of us needs to do it alone. When we lean on others who have gone before us, we stand sturdier and go further ourselves.
This is what I have learned. When life presents a challenge, I can either learn and grow from it, trusting that I can meet it, or I can run, hide, become stuck. The run, hide or get stuck methods don’t work well, I can say based on my own experiments and others’ stories.
If I don’t like the outer circumstances of my life, it is time to change. It may seem counter-intuitive, but, I cannot change circumstances without first accepting them. If I reject rather than accept what is and continue doing what I have always done, I will get what I have always gotten and miss the learning opportunity.
I have found these five simple steps reveal possibilities that can bring positive change. Through this process, I have given up knocking on locked doors, worrying about what I cannot change, or hiding from what’s true. Trusting life has brought me greater ease, joy and success.
This is how I conduct experiments to learn from life in the midst of a challenge:
1. Ask a question. For example: What is this moment teaching me? Open up to receive answers.
2. Create space. Pause. Breathe. Take a walk. Reflect even for a moment.
3. Pre-check: observe without judgment the circumstances of your life – your thoughts, feelings and actions. Record your observations and the date.
4. Experiment while living your life. Notice your internal and external environment. How does it feel when I think this, feel this or do this. Be aware of what is happening, allowing for new sensations, feelings and thoughts – let life guide you. Useful information regarding our question will appear if we are paying attention.
5. Post-check. Observe circumstances after a period of a day or week. Notice and celebrate changes In your thoughts, feelings and actions. Record and date your observations.
Life is a big school full of lessons in a personalized curriculum, called karma. Comparing is useless because our lessons and skills levels are varied. I am convinced that we can all meet what is happening, learn from it and move on if we are courageous, aware, awake and open. It takes courage to change our perspective, to try something new.
The next time a challenge presents itself, try these five steps, and know that a small shift can make a big difference. I have written about my own experience using these steps in Unpacking Guilt, A Mother’s Journey to Freedom which tells how I reconciled the gap between what I knew when my children were young and what I knew by the time they were old enough to leave home.
Reconciling the past and self-forgiveness gave me a new path to walk into the future. That’s the path I tread. Myself and people in my life – grandchildren, readers and students benefit from it. It has obstacles (yes, that’s life) but I am confident that I can find my way and I trust that you can, too.
